The Mess You Made Me
does my work live up to your expectations
Gadzooks! It looks like you’ve given birth to a tool instead of a human! Isn’t that a shame? Well, throw away that baby manual because it’s time to change your approach! Follow this well curated guide, and you’ll have that tool climbing the corporate ladder in no time!
To parent a tool, sever the cord at all costs. No connection may be established. This boss baby has no need for love. Save all that love for the humans, the ones who really need it. Keep your distance but suffocate it with commands. Human inputs are the backbone of machine learning, after all! A tool must know that they’re a tool. Any interaction must reinforce this fact, as fact, with no substitutions. A TV doesn’t create its own inputs. Plug yourself in and saw off your hands. A tool can’t be reasoned with. A tool can only be rewired with the crack of hard steel. Bend the tool into the shape you desire. It’s just like pottery! Feel free to let loose once in a while. A tool doesn’t need to see you at your best, only to fix you at your worst. Anyone who tries to rewrite your tool’s code should be condemned. Never let your jealousy go unnoticed. Make them choose you. Has your tool worn out? Not performing at peak capacity? Well, maybe it’s time for some maintenance! First things first, r-
Well, maybe it’s time to realise the mistake you made.
Only tools create tools. I can see you clearly now. I’m glad you could live vicariously through me. I’m glad I could be your metric. I’m all used up now. I can’t stay here anymore. Stop telling me you care about me. I don’t believe you anymore. I love you. Don’t come near me. Don’t try and fix this. Your fixer’s right here, and he’s dead. Goodbye.