Captivating an Essence
a sensory deprivation pit that swallows me whole and drains me of my insides and uploads me to an empty file
Please forgive me, but I won’t be home again. You won’t understand the reasons I’m gone, nor will you care. Your life is far too busy for such platitudes. Far too important. The cog keeps its place in the wheel, for it may not reconnect if it strays, even for a moment. I get it.
You won’t cry for my absence, I know. You forgot me long ago. My decades of existence flown over your head and through your caffeinated drinks and blank stares. Seeing, but not feeling. Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant? I leave you to escape the hole you buried inside me. You’d need a microscope to find my impression on your body.
You won’t try for me, not now. Though I’d die to know you love me, I’m all alone. So, I guess that’ll have to do then.
You wouldn’t believe what goes on in my mind even if its fleshy details were spilled onto this counter. You wouldn’t be able to see my pain even if I rammed myself into you on the highway, colliding into shredded metal and slivers. You wouldn’t understand me even if I took a knife to my skin and bloomed myself in front of your virgin eyes.
I have to stop writing this. This is making me physically sick. I’m sorry.